A week without the boys

Nicholas and Michael left on Sunday night to spend a week with their Dad. They traveled down to North Carolina, picking up their brother Troy on their way, to see their Me-Mom and Pe-Pop, Aunt Colleen, Uncle Kenny, cousin Nate, Aunt Sarah, and Uncle Jordan. So this is my third day of getting up to go to work and only having to get myself ready. The house is so quiet and with the boys gone, so is my life.

I have been living in PA for almost a year now and have been a single mom for 1 year and 3 and a half weeks. Everything was so chaotic when we moved here and it really didn't start settling down until after the holidays. But even when things are going smoothly, pretty much all of my time is dedicated to the boys or my job. I've made one good friend in the past year and many distant friends. It is hard to make and maintain friendships as a single mom, at least when the kids are so young. And that has become very noticable now that the boys are away and I actually DO have time. I am lucky to be so close to my family and am spending lots of time with my sisters and parents when we can actually have conversations, which is wonderful. I am going out with my best friend here tonight and with a group of great girlfriends from work tomorrow night. Then...I don't know.

I had planned to spend this week getting ready for my second year as a single mom. I took the next couple of days off from work so that I can actually clean and organize my house and plan out the next year. I want to change some things. I want to spend more time with the boys and less time cooking, cleaning, and running errands, which requires even more organization in an already structured life. I also realize I also need to dedicate more time to my personal life. My personal life right now consists of going out with my family, a friend, and rarely, friends from work. Oh yeah, and dating.

I don't go on a lot of dates anymore because I realize I would rather spend my time in other ways, and from what I have seen so far, I realize that finding a partner will probably take many years. Dating is more a form of entertainment that will leave me with good stories that I can call my friend Julie about and we can both laugh. :) Although to be fair, I have met some very nice men, just not the right one. What dating does provide though, is hope. And I need that sparkle of hope in my life. The possibility of an alternate future with a different kind of happy ending helps keep me optimistic. And I have found that I can be indefinitely patient about when it occurs, but I need that hope in my life.

I hope you are all doing well and if you happen to be one of the people with my boys right now, please give them a big hug and kiss from me. I miss them so!

Have a great day!