Good evening, poison control! Call # 16

The kids were finally settled down for the night and I drug myself down the basement to check my 53652 e-mails that I will probably be able to respond to a year from now. 10 minutes later, the shrieking begins. Since Michael has recently learned how to vault out of his crib and rappel down the side, I assumed he may have had a crash landing. But no, that's not what happened at all.

Michael was somehow sleeping soundly and Nick was sitting on the bathroom floor surrounded by make up and...nail polish. The nail polish had been living on a top shelf of the medicine cabinet. But my boys have mad climbing skills so nothing is safe. Nick decided that since his nails were already painted, that maybe nail polish would be good at making other body parts beautiful, like his lips, cheeks...and his left eye. So after flushing his eye with water for what seemed like an eternity, probably to both of us, he could at least open his eye again and it wasn't hurting so much. I used nail polish remover on the parts not touching his eye and rinsed him off with water, had a discussion about how toxic substances are BAD, yet again, and then I put him to bed. Then I called poison control. They should have frequent flyer miles for people like me. And we should earn spa days for having exceptionally challenging, precocious children. They probably do, but instead of the spa days, I will probably earn a visit from Child Protective Services for my abnormally high average of calls to their service.

So, this is what I learned. Eye polish is very bad for eyes, if it gets in the eye. They wanted to know if it had touched his eye. From the screaming I am guessing yes, but after holding upside-down like a bat over the tub and dousing his eye with water for many minutes, I don't know for sure. He didn't open his eye until 5 minutes of water dumping and I am actually surprised that so much water left his eyeball in there. Nick looks like he has pink eyeliner on, both above and below his eye. I wasn't about to add nail polish remover in his eye to lead to call #17 to poison control, so I left it there. He is looking fancy...or kind of diseased, depending on your perspective. By the time we finished cleaning him up, he said his eye didn't hurt anymore and he could see. So when they told me it was a judgement call to take him to the ER for an eye exam to make sure he was okay, I decided he was. My kids are loud when they are not okay. He was quiet and exhausted. Although, that could have been from inhaling the nail polish remover fumes for so long, so I am not sure.

Oh yeah, and I think Michael ate a marble tonight too. He could breathe so I figured he was okay. I was just glad it wasn't anything pointy or a neighborhood pet or something like that.

Happy Monday, everyone! :)

Almost 1 year anniversary of being a single mama

In less than 2 weeks, it will be a year from the the time I officially became a single mama. I think back to that horrible day and the weeks that followed and can't believe how long ago it seems. The thing is I remember most about that time is how many people helped me, especially my family and friends. I never cried so much in my life. I even totally fell apart for a short period of time. But I was lucky enough to have so many people help me up and keep me going when the situation became too overwhelming, which it did somtimes, especially in the beginning. After I accepted it that there was nothing I could do about it, I really struggled.

Aside from my marriage ending, the impact I thought the changes would have on the kids' lives devestated me. I couldn't bear to think of them being in daycare, or being apart from them for so many hours each day, and I didn't know how we would even survive financially. I felt so scared and alone. I knew I had so many people around me who loved and supported me, but the journey was my own. I had two very small children depending on me and realized that aside from some financial support, the responsibility for their lives and raising them was about to become mine alone. I was terrified.

The months that followed were a blur...a tearful, chaotic blur. It took awhile to get the hang of things and for all of us to adjust to our new lives. And our lives are so radically different from the way they were before, they are unrecognizable. I think some things I just don't like but have accept, like not being able to stay home to raise my kids or missing so many precious moments of their little lives. But I know how lucky I am in so many, many other ways..

I have met many single parents since I moved here, largely because of a meetup.com group I joined for single parents so we wouldn't feel like such freaks. :) And some I have met just by chance, but seeing others struggle with the same, and sometimes different issues have highlighted how fortunate we are. And these are the things I am grateful for:

• Not only do I have a job, but I have a job that I love and I'm passionate about doing which is slowly turning into a career. They are supportive of a family life and I moved into a new position where I can have flexible schedule, as needed. I would rather be home with my kids, but since it's not a choice, I feel lucky to have a fun and interesting job that keeps me so busy that the hours fly by until I can get to my baby boys again.
  
• I am grateful that our initial experience with daycare was so disasterous. Because (put this on my list of why I will not win mom of the year) in a moment of absolute desperation I put an advertisement on Craig's list and found Jeanne and her family who have given my boys a home away from home and a loving and secure place to spend their days. They still get to be with a stay at home mama who is kind enough to open her home to those of us mamas who don't have the choice to stay home with our little ones. AND she was a single mama at one time too...how cool is that?!?!?!!!


• We haven't had to visit the ER yet. I know it's coming, but that it hasn't happened despite the hundreds of close calls we've had in the past year. (Just this week, Michael jumped off of a kitchen table and, shortly later, into the bath tub full of water headfirst and it's only Tuesday.) AND I haven't had to call poison control since Nick drank the bottle of Tylenol that one morning at 4 AM.


• We always have food to eat, a roof over our heads, and a house that is a comfortable temperature.


• I am grateful for my family and friends who have stuck by me this past year despite my inability to reciprocate their many acts of kindness and support on any kind of reasonable level. Some of you are there on a regular basis. And some of you will send e-mails or letters that always seem to come when I need them most. I feel so very lucky and loved to have each of you in our lives. And one of these day, I will be able to be the kind of friend, daughter, sister or sister-friend I aspire to be.


• I am grateful to have a peaceful, non-dramatic relationship with the boys' dad. Don't get me wrong, I definitely had a lot of anger and hurt feelings in the beginning. But things are working out just fine. He pays child support and visits them. He is a good role model and loves them. We have a polite, working relationship and I am glad for the peace.


• We are all healthy, happy and, most of the time, all in one piece.