A different kind of happily ever after...

So, the serendipitous single mama returns. My Uncle Mark told me I need to either stay away from guys or "start batting for the other team," which still cracks me up when think of his sensible advice. :) It's funny how life turns out sometimes. I always envisioned myseslf in a happy marriage with kids running around. It is something I have wanted from the bottom of my heart and have done my best to make happen. I seem to lack the skills to make sensible relationship choices, with a few happy exceptions. Or maybe I just suck at marriage...it's also a possibility. Either way, I am not a fan of making people unhappy nor do I want to continue the cycle of putting my family, my darling boys, and myself through the heartache and disappointment of "relationships gone wild." So, I have decided that that it would be best to embrace my single mama-hood and create a happy life for the kids and I. Anyway, with a fantastic family and awesome girlfriends, it seems pretty easy to do at this point. We have begun our new lives! I bought a house, which Nick tells me he picked out for us. ;) He picked a perfect one, I think. We have our own little single family home on a tree-lined street, friendly neighbors, and an actual backyard. I returned to working full time, but am now working as a contractor. Which means that I technicially own my own busniness and get to set my own hours and am able to take off from work when the kids have off or when I just want to take some extra time to love on them. I do all of my contracting for the same agency, for a friend I used to work with at a former job, who is a rockin' director. I LOVE my job! I do mental health assessments and treatment recommendations for people in prison and/or on probation and then on other days I do individual and group counseling for those in recovery from addiction. I have awesome clients and a different job each day of the week, which keeps things fun and interesting. I get to work from home for a portion of my job, which means I get to pick the kids up earlier and can work while they sleep too. I have to say, it truly feels serendipitous how everything has worked out and I feel very lucky that we are all okay and settling in our new lives. The boys are doing really well. Nick is 6 and is finishing his first grade year and Michael is 4 and going to pre-school at a daycare, which he loves. Nick is dropped off and picked up by the same daycare as they have extended school services, so that the boys get to be together more often, which I know, deep down, they enjoy. :) Seriously though, they get along very well when they are not antagonizing each other or having "a war" as they like to call it. Luckily, they get along much more than not. Not so luckily, they have learned that they can put their skills together and create even more chaos when the mood strikes them. They both love biking, climbing, being outside, and exploring new places. They recently were able to visit NC and see their Me-Mom and Pe-Pop with their Daddy and were also able to spend time with their aunts, uncles, and cousins, which I am glad they were able to do! They had a great time and I have enjoyed seeing the pictures of all of their sweet cousins getting so big and even cuter! :) I will try to post regularly to keep those interested updated on our lives and our adventures. The boys still get into all sorts of trouble that seem hilarious in retrospect. I feel like I laugh most of the day anymore and just feel lucky and blessed for all we have in our lives.

Last Single Mama Post

Hi there! :)

This will be my last entry for this blog, with the exception when I post a new site to match one that will be more appropriate for the boys and I on our new journey! For those of you I have talked to regularly, it will not be a surprise, but for the many others that I love and adore but have not been in regular contact, I am sure it will.

I am getting married in the beginning of June and the boys and I will be relocating about 40 minutes away to live with Chris and his darling daughter Cameron. We met at the Crayola factory with our kids and became friends and then more. Our kids are very excited and so are we!

I hate to even write this here but I want to write to be proactive in response to the very few comments I have received from a couple of people who have not been a big part of our lives over the past couple of years and may not understand this decision. I want to ward off any other well intentioned advice or concerns and leave you with the reassurance that Nicholas and Michael are my world. Every decision I have made since they have entered this world has been about their needs and what is good for them. I wish things with their father and worked out differently and there was no way that I could have known they wouldn't. No one else saw that one coming either. I loved baby daddy very much and if the opportunity to work that situation out had existed, I would have taken it.

I am not afraid to be alone and being a single mom is infinitely better than marrying someone who would not be a good match for the boys and I. I am hardly desperate to be married and find the idea that someone would believe that I would even consider doing anything that I had not seriously considered for the right reasons ludicrous. I have talked to friends and family, researched blended families, attended premarital counseling, and checked in with the boys constantly as we have moved towards this very happy transition. For those who have commented about my decision to take the "easy" way out, I would encourage you to read the research about remarriage and blended families. There is nothing easy about it. I appreciate your concern but, please, don't hate! ;)

Despite the challenges becoming a blended family will create, we are all very excited, committed, and optimistic about our future together and we know we will have tons of happy and exciting times as well! I will keep you up to date through our new blog and for those who are in the area, we will be having a BBQ in September to celebrate life and the serendipitous opportunities it can bring! :)

Much love from myself and the boys!!! :)

The plague

The boys and I have been sick for about a month now. Luckily we are all so considerate that we are taking turns and infecting each other with Scarlet Fever, strep throats, stomach viruses, and some unidentified illness that thankfully do not require trips to the doctor due to alarmingly high fevers. Did you know that Scarlet Fever even still existed? I sure didn't! I thought it was a made up illness that stayed within the confines of the Velveteen Rabbit story! But apparently, it really exists! Nick had it first about a month ago and Michael just developed it last week. I only had the strep throat part which required dragging both boys out in the middle of a literal blizzard to pick up the antibiotics I begged the doctor to call into the pharmacy that is three blocks from our home. Luckily, they are 2 and 4 years old so all I had to do was tell them if they cooperated I would buy them bubble bath and they could take a blizzard bubble bath when they arrived home. It was quite an adventure. I had to keep plucking out of snow drifts and taking turns carrying them over snow that was too deep to navigate. They thought it was hilarious. :)

I just wanted to write a little update to let everyone know that the boys are doing well though, despite the plague that we are all hoping goes away with the winter. Michael was transferred to another classroom and loves his new teachers and Nick still loves his teacher as well. They are both thriving at school and at home and seem to be happy and well-adjusted little boys. Nick has suddenly become Mr. Social and makes friends wherever we go and asks a million entertaining questions about everything. Michael acts shy now, but is so NOT shy and is a joyful, constantly into mischief, typical two year old. I am really enjoying them and feel lucky to be their mama. :)

I am doing well, despite being sick and exhausted. Between another cancelled visitation with the boys and a stomach virus that forced me to give up the caffeine, I had no idea how I was going to get to the end of this school quarter, but thanks to my Mom, Dad, Sari, Emily, and Chris stepping in to babysit, help with chores and give their moral support and humor, everything is going to be just fine. School is over on the 19th of March and the boys are going with their dad (please, oh please, baby daddy!) for a visit. I plan to have a margarita that night. Maybe two. ;)

After things settle after that, I have lots of exciting news to share! :) Happy end of winter and beginning of spring, everyone! (And happy 24, almost 25 weeks of pregnancy to my dear friend Julie!!!) :)

Evil magic, mean teachers, and no sleep. Oh my!

So, I should be doing my 5+ hours of homework that I have to complete by 1 AM this evening when it is due, but instead I decided to write a blog entry. I've been thinking of my friends and family and missing everyone so much. And I figured I'd at least let you all know we are alive and well, in case you were wondering.

Nick is doing great in school and loves his teacher! He seems to be calming down a great deal (on most days) and is very excited for the big snowstorm hopefully coming our way this weekend! :)

Michael is my little trooper. He was moved into a new classroom in January and his teacher is, well, really mean. After 3 meetings with the director in a week, in which we agreed the things were happening were inappropriate and unacceptable, his teacher persists in being horrible, so I will probably be moving him. I am going to make a last ditch effort because coordinating drop offs and picks ups at 2 locations ever day sounds horrible, but it sounds a lot better than my 2 year old being hated on by a miserable human being.

Things have been hard. I mean, really hard. I started school in October. I took 2 classes and completed them and ended up doing very well. This quarter I am taking 3 classes. And 4 weeks into it I am wondering what I was thinking. Actually, I know what I was thinking. I was thinking....Can. Not. Lose. Job. Since we were all told to get our liscenses, I am doing it quickly because I really like being employed and able to feed us. So, here I am. Last Friday our car died in a terrible haze of white smoke. Chris (boyfriend) and his daughter came and rescued us and waited the 3 hours it took for roadside assistance to arrive. Then we picked it up on Monday. Monday was also the day they "reorganized" things at work, with disaterous effect. That's been a huge barrel of monkeys. Then on Tuesday, I received an e-mail from baby daddy cancelling a visit and saying he would call that night to talk to the boys. Again. After he promised that he could take them every other weekend at least until I was through school. So, I went to the bathroom at work and cried. Because I have been sleeping about 2-4 hours a night pretty much since school started and I am very, very tired. Then I came out of the bathroom and wrote an e-mail back saying that it was unacceptable for him to cancel and I was relying on him. Then I was wondering why I had bothered, because I know it makes no difference. Then my sweet girlfriends at work listened to me vent. And then Julie listened to me some more that night and I talked to Chris and a girlfriend at work left me some voice mail love. So by the end of the day I was feeling much better. And this morning, my friend Karen gave me chocolate covered pretzels at work and eating the entire bag of them made me feel tremendously better.

And for those wondering how to explain cancelled visits and phone calls that don't happen, I have discovered a new technique that seems to negate any negative impact on the kids. I just make something up that is so far fetched it distracts all of us from reality. This week, a group of evil fairies and gnomes unfortunately descended upon the FBI building and put a terrible curse on it. People tried to escape, but to no avail. So even though his daddy, who loves and adores he and Michael more than anything in the world would love to call and visit, he just can't. There is magic flying everywhere that cut the phone signals and a tornado sucked up the FBI car so that they are going to have to fly through the sky in an Army helicopter to find it again. My theory is that anyone who acts like that really may have an evil spell on them, so it is not entirely fabricated. And it is so much more fun when no one gets blamed or has to experience emotional pain. After all, no one can help being hit by evil magic!

So, here I am. The kids are finally asleep. I just finished reading some very boring information about group therapy leadership and I am ready to tackle the 4 essays due by 1 AM. But I just was thinking about how much I missed social interaction and people and having a social life and decided to write because I am afraid that some of you may think I am just being incredibly rude and non-responsive when the truth is I am just completely exhausted and overwhelmed and am barely finding time to eat at this point (except for those delicious chocolate covered pretzels). And things are going to get much worse before they become better.

During this sleep deprived haze I am experiencing I am struck by just how horrible and wonderful people can be. So for the horrible people, you are voted off of my island! Go be horrible to other people! And for the wonderful people who continue to be so patient, kind, non-judgmental and understanding....thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you again. Your many acts of kindness and plain old not hating on us is so very appreciated. :)

I hope you are all doing well and I will write again as soon as I can. It just may be awhile. Lots of love to you! :)

Merry Christmas!!! :)

Pictures from Christmas Eve, plus a bonus picture of the boys with Santa:



We tried to take a picture of ourselves...but had some trouble. :)



This was Nicholas and Michael's response when I asked them to SMILE!



This is Nick and Michael before we made candy cane ice cream. There was too much action going on during the process to catch a picture without risk of disaster.



The boys with Santa! :)

We wish each of you a very merry Christmas, a fantastic new year and send much love! :)

Michael's daycare mischief

Each day Michael gets a report. They send reports home for the younger kids who can't tell you how their day is at their daycare school. Nick and his teacher both tell me how his day was each day. And aside from singing during nap or occasional rough days when he gets sassy with his teacher, Nick does very well in school. Nick loves school. He wrote his first word without tracing last night, 'LION', and we were both very excited! :) Michael has a different experience with school.

Every afternoon I start wondering what Michael may have done that day and just how aggravated his teachers are going to be with him. He is a very sweet little boy, but loves to do things for reactions. So when he took off his shoes and socks at school and had a big reaction to it, he thought that was just hilarious. So now, for the past month, every day except for one, I hear that Michael has taken his shoes off every day, typically multiple times a day. He pulled the toy kitchen down on himself twice because he thinks he is spiderman and will not stop climbing things. He actually does that at home and we have designated climbing areas because for some reason he really seems to have the need to climb up things. Still, every once in awhile I will find him on the top of a shelf, table, and once in the kitchen sink. A couple of times he hit his teacher when she took his bear. Definitely not good. He only hits one boy, who he calls '--- is a bad boy' whenever he refers to him. His teachers seem to agree with that one. He annoys everyone, not just Michael. Last week Michael sprinted out of the classroom when he saw the opportunity, straight up to the directors office. His teacher went after him as soon as she saw him escape, but we both agree, he is FAST, so she wasn't able to catch him until he made it up the steps and into the office.

Then came yesterday's report. 'Michael bit a friend...for no reason at all." His teacher went on to say that there was a girl in his classroom and Michael randomly went over and bit her in the butt. Now, I am not completely convinced about this one. Michael's kisses look scarily like bites, as anyone who knows him well and has been kissed by him knows. He open his mouth wide, presses it against your cheek (not typically THOSE cheeks, but he has done that before too) and then does something that sounds like a growl that I believe is supposed to be loving. His kisses are a bit terrifying. I can see where it could be misperceived, but since I have never seen Michael do anything unprovoked except to Nick, and even then, that is more like an ongoing battle of who can annoy the other one the most, I am guessing he just kissed his little girlfriend in his own very weird way...on the butt.

The thing I like most about the reports are the written or verbal statements...."he thinks he's just hilarious." Because he really does. Michael wakes up every morning happy just to be alive. He is effusively joyful and amused by himself, others, and random little things that I wouldn't have noticed without his peals of laughter in response to whatever small thing he felt was so funny. He is charmed by anyone who tries to be a little bit nice to him and has plenty of hugs and kisses and cuddles for his favorite people. And although he is constant bundle of energy, mischievious and quick tempered at times, he is good hearted, sweet, loving, and a very happy little boy. So rock on, baby Michael. Please, just no more baby butt biting.

Am I Santa Claus?

Nick was sitting at his table coloring last night with Michael. We were discussing whether the letter X Michael had announced that he had written was, in fact, an X. I thought it was, but Nicholas informed me that there was no way that a circle could be misconstrued as a letter X and then looked concerned and offered that maybe I needed glasses. We were listening to Christmas music when 'Up On the Housetop" started playing. Half way through the song, Nick suddenly stopped coloring and looked alarmed and asked "Mommy, am I Santa Claus?" I reassured him he was not. "But", he contemplated, "I'm Nick!" We talked about how many people in the world shared the same name and he felt much better after that. His biggest concern seemed to be how he would fit in a chimney. We then had a whole conversation about how kids do not go in chimneys, ever, even if they do have a really big ladder and discussed if it would be possible to rappel down a chimney which, of course, led back to the neverending discussion about silos and that it would be possible to rappel down a silo, but only if you had a really big ladder or a fire truck to get up there in the first place.

While we were having this 7 minute conversation, I retrieved Michael from hurling raisins in the toilet while shouting "basketball! score!!!!!." Then I scooped him up from down the basement, which is now covered with lovely pink scribbles. He also kindly decorated the kitchen floor and the wall on the way down to the basement where the computer is. I had thought I had removed all of the markers to high above Michael's reach after he decorated our kitchen cabinets over the weekend, but apparently I missed one.

Right now they are both sleeping and I am enjoying the peace. I was running around trying to catch things up around the house when I found Michaels shoe in the refrigerator, smashed into the butter on a butter dish. I have a lot of questions about that one, which will unfortunately never be answered, but I have laughed a lot over the past 12 hours (in between the shaking my head and yelling) and thought I would share some of our life. These things are so much funnier when they are sleeping. :)

Over the weekend we went to The Home Depot and participated in an awesome program where they provide kits for kids to built. I was very glad I went with the single parent group because 2 small children with hammers are intimidating. One of the single dads was very helpful and helped to make sure that I followed the instructions enough so that our wagons actually resembled, well, wagons. The boys were thrilled!

On Saturday night we went out with the same group to Longwood Gardens and saw beautifully lit tress, flowers, and the fountain light show. It was gorgeous. AND it was snowing! It was a fun, beautiful, memorable evening. The boys had a great time and so did I! :) Here is a picture of us at Longwood.